Sparklers

Sparklers

Fireworks on the 4th of July
a cinder alit in my eye -
three hours of gloom
in the emergency room
I'll regain my sight by and by.

 I have not been to the emergency room.  This limerick is a work of fiction.  Please be careful with fireworks and have a happy 4th Dear Readers!

Timex

Timex

If there ever was a pretext
when you decide to give me a Rolex,
Do not be rash!
I would rather have cash
and keep track of the hours on my Timex.

Yes dear readers I always wear my Timex watch.

I'd Rather Be Here

I'd Rather Be Here

There are people who'd much rather be
on a beach that is touched by the sea.
But I'd rather be here
than under a pier,
while crabs nibble away parts of me.

I am looking forward to a beach vacation!

Post-Midnight Day Dreams

Post-Midnight Day Dreams

Awake alone against the night
with worrisome insomniac insight.
I design vengeful schemes
in post-midnight day dreams
that dissipate in the daylight.

So much for my plans to take over the world.

If I Was the Pope

If I Was the Pope

If I was the Pope of the Holy See
There would be no more vows of chastity.
Priests who want sexual fun
could fuck a willing nun!
Bugger a kid and then a eunuch you'll be!

It is time to take the church away from the Romans.  They have made too big a mess of it!

Back in the Day - Carpooling

Back in the Day - Carpooling

Man! It was cool to carpool
with the prettiest girl in school!
As we shared the backseat,
I thought it was neat
to see all the jealous guys drool.

Here is a Back in the Day limerick that has a basis in fact. A couple of guys in my Falcon Patrol of Troop 58 saw one of their pretty classmates get into the back seat of Mom's old Plymouth station wagon with me and they were quite jealous.  I enjoyed car pooling with Marsha and her lovely sister Holly on through Junior High & High School.

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Predicting the Future

Predicting the Future

Soothsayers, oracles, gypsies foretell
using tarot cards, ouija, and balls made of crystal,
but for a scientific result
avoid the occult
get a U. L. Approved Magic Eight Ball.

I googled  a virtual Magic 8 Ball, Ask the Magic 8 Ball, and asked the question, "Is the magic 8 ball the best way to predict the future?"

The reply - "Better not tell you now"

I don't think that that one was approved by Underwriters Laboratories though so I do not trust it!

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What's in a Name?

What's in a Name?

I have only my Mother to blame.
She's the one who gave me my name.
Would life be less scary
if I wasn't named 'Gary'
or would it just be more of the same?

Here is my philosophy lesson for the day dear readers.  Parents do not name their children.  The names are placed into their brains by the collective unconscious.  When the kid is born - bingo - out comes the name!

Astrological Signs

Astrological Signs

It matters naught what sign I now be
but its damned important to the future me!
But I ignore
what it says is in store
when the paper prints my astrology!

The first two lines were written quite awhile ago when a spate of news came out incorrectly claiming that people's zodiac signs were incorrect.  My brain eventually converted it into a limerick.  Did you see that happening dear readers?

Pentacrest

Pentacrest

I think that it might be for the best
if I stayed away from the Pentacrest!
Where Hawkeye coeds abound
I'd likely be found
acting like a hippie at a music fest.

This one was written for all of the lovely Hawkeye coeds in and around Iowa City.

Yvonne & Yvette

Yvonne & Yvette

Identical twins Yvonne and Yvette -
I'm in love with Yvette and yet
Yvonne seduced me
while pretending to be
Yvette in a trap that they had set!

I bet that I could tell them apart.