Back in the Day - A Slap on the Cheeks

 

Back in the Day - A Slap on the Cheeks

Back in the day I got a slap on the face.
I deserved it due to my lack of grace.
If mother finds out
there is no doubt
I'll get a slap in another cheeky place.

In my defense, dear readers, the girl was older, bigger, stronger, and could outrun me.

Million Dollar Limerick

Million Dollar Limerick

I've written the world's most fantastic rhyme.
It is humorous, heart wrenching, subtle, sublime.
Golly gee! oh dear!
I can't print it here.
It's unsuitable for prime time.

I could use the million dollars though.  If you've got any extra cash in your tax refunds,  dear readers,  send it along to me.

Go to State U.

Go to State U.

Land grant college practicality
always trumps ivy league snobbery.
Here's what you do -
Go to State U.
and get educated economically!

See you in Ames boys & girls.

Back in the Day - Can'ts

 

Back in the Day - Can'ts

I learned very early the can and the can'ts
when I got paddled for being errant.
Take this to the bank -
you'll get a spank
when you go outdoors with no pants!

 

All the way Back in the Day to pre-kindergarten.

First Aid Kit

 

 

First Aid Kit

If the life you live is boring
Get some bandaids and a little Neosporin,
but if you get wild itches
you'll likely need stitches
and a tetanus shot in the morning.

Dear Readers, Take it from an old Boy Scout!  Be prepared!

Back in the Day - Homeroom

 

 

Back in the Day - Homeroom

I have a feeling of impending doom.
I might make a mess in my fruit of the looms.
I failed to write
my term paper last night?
I'll just finish it off in homeroom!

Procrastination carried to the extreme.  Are you guilty dear Readers?

Winter in Bear Bottom

Winter in Bear Bottom

In Bear Bottom when it gets really cold
going outdoors is  foolish or bold.
Most people can be found
relaxing underground.
Their hot springs cave is a sight to behold.

Dear readers, Bear Bottom is a fictional town usually featured on my risque limerick blog.  Fortunately Winter in Bear Bottom is rated PG.

Guest Post Collection

Dear readers, What a treat I have for you today.  I'm afraid that the severe winter weather has adversely affected my friends and given them rhymatic fever.  I'm afraid it may be contagious.  Here are three rhymes that showed up on Fans of Gary's Limericks.

A Friend Named Gary

 by Linda D. Keener

I once had a friend named Gary,
whose chin and face were quite hairy.
He played and he sang
with my church music gang,
and really was extraordinary!

On Misspent Youth Part Deux

by Dennis R. Tesdell

Young Dennis watched his Stooges, Mickey and Lassie too,
Didn't seem to hurt his mind badly, cause he can toss a limerick or two,
But think him uncouth if you wish and think he might even go to Hell,
For Dennis has fond memories still, dreaming 'bout "Timmy in the well."

 Tall Dennis Plays Ball With Small Kim

by Dennis R. Tesdell

Tall tattooed Dennis took friends to see dictator Kim
Stating basketball was it - nothin' was in it for him;
When asked about it all,
Rodman slurred mad retorts with his ball,
I hope his rehab home has good doctors and a gym.

Chris And The Bridge by Dennis Tesdell

Chris And The Bridge

by Dennis Tesdell

The portly governor of Jersey State,
Had staff who were playin' with his fate;
His nemesis has been the big fridge
Til his cronies messed with a major bridge,
Now we'll see if his "sorry's" came too late. 

Dear Readers, You get a special bonus today.  In addition to another guest post from my friend Dennis, you also get one from me.  Two for the price of one!

My Friend Dennis

My friend, Dennis, is becoming prolific
with rhymes but, let's be specific,
I feel like a hog
including them on my blog.
A blog of his own would, I think, be terrific!

If you agree with me and think that Dennis should be blogging make sure that you comment!

Misspent Youth

Misspent Youth

You've uncovered, Dennis, a very sad truth.
I watched the Three Stooges in my misspent youth.
The modern version make me sick;
Karl, G.W., and Dick.
Mom thinks that they are uncouth.

This is, dear readers, my answer to yesterday's guest limerick by my friend Dennis.  Look forward to more tomorrow.

A Man Named Gary - a guest limerick by Dennis R. Tesdell

 

A Man Named Gary

by Dennis R. Tesdell

There lives now a nice man named Gary,
who writes ditties about Shemp, Moe and Larry;
He loves writing about a cause,
and he adds what he draws,
and his viewers are kept very merry.

Dear readers here is a guest limerick (the best kind) submitted by my friend Dennis.  The title and drawing are mine so do not blame Dennis for those.

Stark Raving Mad

Stark Raving Mad
(based on a interview comment made by George R. R. Martin)

"When a critic spews out malarkey
and says that my plots are too dark,
he doesn't make me mad
when he says my writing is bad,
but I sit down and kill off a Stark!"

Oops!  Too late for a spoiler alert. 

Sgt. Pepper's Band

Sgt. Pepper's Band

64 was a long way off you know
when Billy Shears started the show.
"Will you still need me?
Will you still feed me?"
Where the heck did all those years go?

Happy birthday Dee Ann!

Happy New Year 2014

Happy New Year 2014

Such a cause for celebration
that usually leads to inebriation
This year it's a shame
Mike & Ike get champagne
while their wives are deprived by their sprouts' gestation.

Happy New Year Boys & Girls!

In the Garden

In the Garden

I read Genesis and it seems to me
that the lord approves of nudity.
He made Eve and Adam
and the lord had 'em
naked in the garden where anyone could see!

Dear readers, it has been awhile but finally here is another biblical limerick for your spiritual pleasure.

Wizard Twister

 

 

Wizard Twister

Harry played wizard twister
teamed up with Ron's little sister
It's about the same
as the ordinary game
but he can use his wand to assist her.

It makes more sense that Quidditch.