Qi

Qi

If you play scrabble and you get a 'Q',
play the word "QI" if you don't have a 'U'!
I think it's absurd
that 'QI' counts as a word.
Apparently it does so I use it too.

The official scrabble dictionary has this definition for Qi:

the vital force that in Chinese thought is inherent in all things

So if it is a Chinese thought, how then is 'Qi' an English word?  If it qualifies then it seems that several other foreign words should be in le dictionnaire officiel as well.

The Blonde Receptionist

The Blonde Receptionist

The blonde receptionist always looked great.
I got the nerve to ask her for a date.
Gwyn winked her eye
as she gave her reply,
"Today's September Tenth, Nineteen-Ninety-Eight."

I have always enjoyed blonde jokes where it is the blonde prevails in the end.  The Blonde Receptionist is my limerick of that ilk.  This one was written for Gwen, my building's receptionist at the time when I worked for Invensys (Siebe/Robertshaw) at their Richmond, VA development center.

Callipygian

Callipygian

Life is lonesome in North Katmandu.
Most women there are ugly 'tis true.
A girl callipygian
in this far away region
is quite busy 'cause they number so few.

When some people learn a word they feel compelled (like I was) to use that word in a limerick,  The word for today is Callipygian.  

Here is your challenge dear readers:  Use the word Callipygian or select a favorite word of your own and use it in a limerick or short poem!

Backache

Backache

Bob and Annie tried a position
to give Annie more self expression.
With Annie on top
Bob's back went pop!
Now he's under an orthopedic physician.

What could be better?  Bob & Ann return in a medical limerick.

The Man from Des Moines

The Man from Des Moines

There was a young man from Des Moines.
Who planned his life with the flip of a coin.
His plans came to naught
because he forgot
If heads meant he's coming or going.

I am the man from Des Moines.

DDT

Josh Neveln submitted this limerick:

A mosquito cried out in pain:
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!
The cause of his sorrow
was para-dichloro-
diphenyltrichloroethane

(paraDichloroDiphenylTrichloroethane is the the full name for DDT) 

I have learned that when I share limericks, occasionally people share their creations with me.  Here is one of my favorites, a guest limerick that was submitted by my son Josh.

Appeal

Appeal

With Gloria, Bob and Ann shared a meal.
"My boyfriend's lost all of his sex appeal,"
poor Gloria said.
Annie nodded her head
and replied, "I know just how you feel.

Bob & Ann make an early appearance in this classic limerick from the now defunct Neveln web pages.  It is so much easier to blog than it was to maintain the HTML site.

Little Willard and Newton

Little Willard and Newton

Willard and Newton don't play nice worth a whit!
Said Newton to Willard, "I'll steal your baseball, Mitt!"
"If you try to get cute
I'll nab your pet, Newt,
and tie him to the car if you throw a fit!"

For the GOP candidates with the silly names!

Magic Potion

Magic Potion

Was there a magic potion that Barry Bonds drank
so that he could surpass Hammering Hank?
All time home run hero!
I'm still stuck at zero.
I need some of that juice in my tank!

Because of my love for the game, I have written several baseball related limericks.  A few address the steroid scandals.

Snake Charmer

Snake Charmer

There was a girl named Julie with an oboe.
When she played she'd sway to and fro.
When the snake bit her arm,
she lost her charm.
Now she's waiting for a new one to grow.

This one is for my friends in the Kishwaukee Valley Community Band of Rockford, IL.

Cheap Trick Connections

Cheap Trick Connections

Rockfordians every single one
connect to Cheap Trick.  It's funny!
One gave rides to Robin's brother
Another dated Rick's mother.
Me?  I met the nephew of Bun E.

I once resided in Rockford Illinois.  Rockford & its neighboring city of Loves Park are justifiably proud of their hometown band, Cheap Trick.  When I moved there I started meeting people who happily told me about their connections to the band members.   Eventually my younger son became a college housemate with the nephew of drummer, Bun E. Carlos (he called him Uncle Bun) and so I also have a cheap trick connection.

The Bump Stayed

The Bump Stayed

I sorry that I have to say
I heard terrible news today.
Bob bumped his head
and although he's not dead

the bump stayed and Bob's head went away.

This one was written for my adventurous nephew who suffers more than his share of injuries as a result of his active lifestyle.  The name has been changed so that he will not be further embarrassed.

Basil Cell Carcinoma

Basil Cell Carcinoma

When your biopsy comes back and tells
that carcinoma is in your basil cells
pluck up your courage
for desiccation and curettage
and pray for no infection that swells.

Another medical limerick, Basil Cell Carcinoma and one of its forms of treatment electrodesiccation and curettage sounds worse than it actually is, but according to the brochure it is serious and should be treated.

What Is the Meaning of Life?

What Is the Meaning of Life?

I'll try but I don't think I can, Sir,
give your query a very clear answer!
It seems that before
I respond there's two more
points of view that do not quite concur.

What Is the Meaning of Life is one of many of my limericks that deal with deep philosophical questions.  I am sure that it contains hidden meaning that future theologians may ponder in Sophomore poetry class at an Ivy League University (possibly Cornell).

Parasites

Parasites

Its as close to motherhood as I'll ever be
When I play host to a tick or a flea,
a louse under my hat,
a chigger or gnat,
or the tapeworm that lives inside me.

Parasites is one of my daughter's favorites.  I'm not sure why?

The Village Fool

The Village Fool

It takes a village to raise a child.
If not for the fool, your kid is reviled.
Thank God for the Fool
As he slobbers and drools!
Junior's next if this fool is exiled.

When I was a kid, we had a couple of troublemakers in my Sunday school class and we went through teachers like crazy.  Someone got the bright idea to split the class into two and to separate the two problem children into separate classes.  It did not work.  Others in our resourceful class stepped up to take up the slack and we were able to get rid of two teachers at once. 

Some Juice

Some Juice

Greg and Roger use a little Vaseline goo
to help strike out a batter or two.
Sammy, Barry, and Mark
hit 'em out of the park
if pitchers don't use some juice too.

Some Juice is one of my limericks about cheating in baseball.  When I read it back, it implies a "two wrongs make it alright" attitude that is contrary to my own belief.   This is one of the advantages of having annotated limericks.  I can present a contrary point of view and then claim that I am just simply playing devil's advocate.

Never Was

Never Was

The fading meteor gives me pause
to recall past glory mostly because
It seems to me
that its better to be
a 'has been' than a 'never was'.

This limerick is about opportunity.  Taking the opportunity to try activities so that you can find things that interest you, give you joy, and hopefully that you may be good at.  

For me the opportunities that paid off were the swimming lessons and the trumpet lessons (not to mention my Olds Ambassador Trumpet itself).  Swimming lessons led to lifeguard certification and two summers as a lifeguard and swim teacher.  My trumpet got me through high school band and much later when I took it up again to opportunities to play in a brass ensemble and a community band. 

I did not have the opportunity to play organized baseball when I was young but I volunteered to help coach boys club and little league for my sons and enjoyed many seasons with them.  

I'm hoping that my kids enjoyed the musical and sport opportunities that we provided for them and can pass along joyful opportunities to the grand kids.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry

My brother is glib and articulate
while I'm a blithering idiot.
He has a gift
of which I am bereft
so I knock him down and kick his butt.

I have a older brother.  Enough said!

Ann's Date

Ann's Date

Bob was angry 'cause Ann made a date
with an old boyfriend from Iowa State.
Bob was annoyed
because Ann enjoyed
seeing the aggie's corn crop germinate.

Bob & Ann make another appearance.  Ann's Date has a similar theme to Begorrah from earlier this week.

Lazurus

Lazarus

Jesus called him out of the ground
so is old Lazarus still hangin' around?
Having paid the penultimate price
did he have to die twice
while expecting yet another rebound?

Lazarus is one of my religious limericks.  The bible disappointingly does not tell us his whole story.

Begorrah

Begorrah

You may wonder why I abhor a
small Iowa town called Decorah.
You know of course
that the Decorah Norse
put a webcam on their fauna and flora.

Since one of the favorite pastimes in Iowa is watching the corn grow, it should not come as a surprise that the Decorah, Iowa eagle webcam site would be popular.  I did not look at it often but my wife was intrigued with watching the eaglets that hatched last year.  Through the walls, I could often hear the wind rattling the nest and the eagles screeching while I was still in bed trying to stay asleep.  Life is full of rude awakenings!

The Fab Four

Internet picture - it remains the property of the original owner.

The Fab Four

Four Fabulous lads you know,
John, George, Paul, and Ringo.
How sad life would be
if there'd been only three,
or two, or one, or zero.

Due to all of the Beatle talk in Harris & Neveln last week, it seems to be a good time to publish The Fab Four on this blog.

Harris & Neveln Go Solo

Harris & Neveln Go Solo

We know that Jim Harris has musical skill
although he may need a blue plaster cast pill.
When we lay cards on the table
I admit I'm unable
to add my fair share to the partnership till.

If we put musical skill to a Beatlesque test
a partnership sadly should be put to rest.
It would embarrass
James Paul McCartney "Harris"
to be teamed with a "Gary" Pete Best!

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Harris & Neveln Jim's Response - a trio of guest limericks by James Harris

Harris & Neveln Jim's Response

(a trio of guest limericks by James Harris)

Well, as you know from back in the day
I wrote numerous tunes that we'd play
but that was back then
When my body was thin
And to compete with the Beatles wouldn't pay

Paul and John were the best as you know
And that's not to mention their show
So now I'm a teacher
And my dad's still a preacher
Plus my BP and weight are not low

It's not that I'm over the hill
On occasion I play the piano still
But the "groupies" are few
If ONLY you knew
I'm worried I may have to start taking the blue pill

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Harris & Neveln

Harris & Neveln

Jim do you think that its much too late
for the two of us to collaborate
on a song we both pen
like McCartney and Lenn-
on that wouldn't cause people to regurgitate?

Recently my friend Jim Harris responded to my limerick A Granddaughter's Prayer with a comment in limerick form leading us, dear readers, to today's question.  What do you think?   Jim?

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IQ

IQ

Robert's new job in St.Paul will be great.
The salary offer is simply first rate.
And when Robert moves
from Iowa, he improves
the average IQ in each state.

If you cannot figure this one out dear readers, please move to Minnesota and improve the average IQ of 2 states!  If you happen to live in Minnesota I guess you should move to Canada and improve the average IQ in 2 countries.

Greg's Gift

Greg's Gift

Greg's gift for language is easily explained.
He must be right- (or left-) brained.
At the end of the day
He's likely to say,
"Hasty man on ya' our feet are stained."

My sister is a French teacher at a school near Houston.  One of her former colleagues, Greg, teaches German and is fluent in several languages.  Greg's Gift was written for him.

Back To School

Back To School

Last spring I managed to pass
so I'm here in my brand new class.
The teacher's a jerk
assigning us homework
the first day.  What a pain in the ass!

When I was in kindergarten I was sorely disappointed to find out that I did not advance to 1st grade after the Christmas vacation and had to wait another whole semester until after "summer" vacation to move on.

A Granddaughter's Prayer Reply by James Harris

A Granddaughter's Prayer Reply

by James Harris

Gramps must be a compassionate man
Cause he views the naked whenever he can
Now don't get me wrong
One had on a thong
But it was little more than a large rubber band

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A Granddaughter's Prayer

A Granddaughter's Prayer

Dear God get Mom a new suitor!
One who doesn't beat and abuse her
and I hate to impose
but please get some clothes
for those poor ladies on Grandpa's computer!

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This one was recently inspired by a facebook post by my friend Jim Harris.