Fighting Weight

Fighting Weight

I think it would really be great
if I could get back to my fighting weight!
So I exercise
and watch portion size.
I should get there by two thousand fifty eight!

It pays to have goals!

A Beach Near Brighton

A Beach Near Brighton

I put my sandals, my suit, and my hat on
and took a walk on a beach down near Brighton.
I couldn't help but stare
at a girl I saw there.
A bikini was more than she had on.
 

I was taking a walk in Spring Lake Estates in Rockford., IL one day and found myself on a street called Haddon Place.  Once that street name became embedded in my brain, A Beach Near Brighton developed itself from those two little words  - had on.  Brighton is from The Who's Quadrophenia.

Loose Rhyme

Loose Rhyme

Making out in her daddy's car.
Amazed that I'd gotten that far.
Wishing and groping
sweaty fingers hoping
that I could somehow unfasten her bra.

It sort of sounds like it rhymes but I have to agree with what my sister's assessment of Loose Rhyme.  It doesn't!

The Master of Distraction

  
The Master of Distraction

You are the master of distraction.
Misdirection hides your action.
Fool me once - shame on you!
Fool me twice shames me too.
Fool me thrice - I'll put you in traction.

My daughter-in-law's facebook status one day inspired The Master of Distraction.  Every once in awhile a phrase that I hear expands itself into a limerick.

Goran Visnjic's Belated Confession

Goran Visnjic's Belated Confession

I'm sorry that it went this far
but I'm really not a doctor.
Before you undressed,
I should have confessed.
I just play one on E.R.

Because the show E.R. is no longer on TV, Goran Visnjic's Belated Confession is one on my classic limericks that is no longer topical.  Hopefully it retains some residual value.

Wasted Money

Wasted Money

I've spent money on parties and feasted.
Gourmet food and fine wines I have tasted.
I've spent cash by the ton
on wild women and fun.
The rest of my money I just wasted.

Wasted Money came from a quote I saw in the Rockford Register Star one time.  They had interviewed an old man in town and he said, "I've spent most of my money on wild women and whiskey.  The rest I just wasted!"  That quote inspired this limerick.  Thank you old man!

Limbo

Limbo

She said, "Let's go do the limbo
and see how low we can go."
So I bent way back
and my back went crack.
Now my body is twisted akimbo.

This is the way I've been feeling for the last few weeks while fighting low back pain.  I'm not sure what caused this occurrence but I am certain it was not the Limbo.