Honeymoon

Honeymoon

On their honeymoon, this is the truth,
they set out for St. Paul in Bob's Plymouth.
Ann said, "After today,
we can go all the way!"
So Bob drove all the way to Duluth.

Honeymoon is one of the original Bob & Ann limericks. It is based on a joke that was told when we gathered at a bar the night before my brother-in-law's wedding. 

Strip Poker

Strip Poker

Playing poker, I felt a rush.
Sue gave a tell with her blush.
Down to panties and bra.
A forth jack in my draw.
But I lost my shorts to her flush.

My advice on gambling is to never bet more than you can afford to lose!

Halloween Mask

Halloween Mask

Bob bought a new mask for Halloween
the ugliest one that he'd ever seen.
Ann said, "You look better!
Is that a new sweater?
It makes your face look a little less green."

Bob & Ann first appeared in my limericks when co-workers coincidentally named Bob & Ann got married.  I prepared for Bob a bootable floppy diskette and stuck it into his PC.  When Bob came back to work following his honeymoon and turned on his computer he was faced with a series of limericks.  Bob & Ann limericks from this series will appear in this blog from time to time,

I found it convenient to keep on writing limericks that feature Bob (or Robert) and Ann or (Annie) using one or two syllables for the names to fit the meter that sounds best.

Zeno's Paradox

Zeno's Paradox

"Are we there yet?" the children say.
"We're tired of driving all day."
No matter how fast we drive,
we can never arrive

'cause we first have to go half-way.

Zeno's Paradox, like several others, was inspired by a church sermon.  In that setting, you might think that it was divinely inspired but I'm not convinced.  There may have been other forces involved.

I Always Cry at Weddings

I Always Cry at Weddings

It is a burden that I must carry.
At weddings I'm "crybaby" Gary.
I fall apart
'cause it breaks my heart
to see the jerks that these girls marry!

We are back to pure fiction boys & girls.  I do not remember ever crying at a wedding no matter how big a jerk the groom was.

This Paper Seems Thinner

This Paper Seems Thinner

I open my paper. Let's see what's inside!
News of a scandal and a homicide.
Who is the game winner?
This paper seems thinner!
The crime and the sport pages coincide!

Did I say that my limericks were works of fiction?  This Paper Seems Thinner appears to ring true on a couple of points.  Depending on the internet to provide me with accurate information, I do not currently subscribe to a newspaper.  It is up to you, dear reader, to determine the truth in this one.

Wayne Wayne Go Away

Wayne Wayne Go Away

I fell in love with Jane.
But alas, Jane was married to Wayne.
Then I fell for Liz,
but her husband is
another Wayne.  I'm going insane.

As with most of my limericks Wayne Wayne Go Away is a work of fiction.  This limerick popped into my head in (of all places) a church service one Sunday morning.  From where I was sitting I could see two quite real lovely ladies, Jane and Elizabeth, sitting in the front pew across from me next to their real husbands, both named Wayne.  Other than the coincidence of the real names of my friends in church matching the fictitious names of the characters in  Wayne Wayne Go Away, this limerick has no basis in reality.