Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Honey! Baby Hughie Needs Changin'

Honey! Baby Hughie Needs Changin'

This story isn't very funny. 
I fell in love with a playboy bunny.
Now I feel harried
'cause as soon as we married,
she gave birth to an eight kit colony.

Baby Hughie was named for Hugh Hefner. 

At Franklin Junior High in Des Moines in the '60s, one of my classmates, Randy, bragged that he had his own Playboy subscription. Naturally the rest of us were disbelievers so to prove it, he stupidly brought an issue in its plain brown wrapper with address label attached to school. In a moment of inattention, he let it get swiped. At the close of the day we amused ourselves by listening at the open door while Randy tried to describe the missing object to our homeroom teacher. From the glint in her eye and the tone when she asked him, "What sort of periodical?", I figured that she already knew the sort of periodical that Randy had lost. For the next two weeks or so the Playboy was passed around to the other boys in the class and then it was finally returned in its plain brown wrapper carefully placed in a spot where Randy may have accidentally mislaid it so that our teacher would find it, confiscate it, and Randy could get the detention he deserved for bringing such a thing to school.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

"Candy Is Dandy"

"Candy Is Dandy"

"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."
One makes her fatter , the other just sicker.
Thank you Ogden Nash!
My girl prefers cash.
The price?  Well, we have to dicker!

The first line of my limerick "Candy Is Dandy" is a poem by Ogden Nash.  I checked out a volume of Ogden Nash poetry from my high school library back in the day and have been a fan ever since.  I lost the book and ended up having to pay for it.  I continuously checked to see if it reappeared on the shelves but it never did.  Evidently whoever found the book was a bigger fan than I was.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Your Skin

Your Skin

What a wonderful thing is your skin!
The suit that you were born in.
From your head to your toe
it expands when you grow
and still fits if you're fat or you're thin.

Thank you for your patience dear readers for the Thanksgiving holiday hiatus.  Your Skin is one of my pseudo-medical limericks. Hopefully yours did not expand too much because of the Thanksgiving feasting!

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Young Republican and His Roommate

The Young Republican and His Roommate
 (1969)

Hippy diatribe makes me sick.
"Ban the bomb! Impeach tricky Dick!"
What havoc I'd wreak
on that long-haired freak
'cept I enjoy free-lovin' his chick.

The late '60s and early '70s - what an interesting time to be in college. 

This blog will be on hiatus until after Thanksgiving.  Have a great holiday dear readers!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Captain Wally Schirra

Captain Wally Schirra

Gemini, Apollo, Mercury,
one astronaut flew all three.
So I say, "Hurrah!
Captain Wally Schirra
As superb as a pilot can be!"

Captain Wally Schirra is one of my brush with greatness limericks.  I had the pleasure of seeing him and hearing him speak at an American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics conference in Denver in the spring of 1973. 

I presented a paper at the conference and it did not go well.  The bulb in the slide projector burnt out and my talk was delayed while another projector was rounded up.  The slide tray from the first one did not fit the second so all the slides had to be transferred from one to another.  After transfer, the slides ended upside down requiring another delay.  I was so nervous after that that I gave my carefully rehearsed 5 minute presentation in about 3 minutes.  My paper did not win a prize.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Shopping List

Shopping List

One cannot live by bread alone.
At least that's what I hear.
So when I go to the grocery store,
I also buy whiskey and beer.

Occasionally I come up with a verse that does not make it into limerick form. Shopping List is not a limerick, dear readers, and I cannot promise that other non-limericks will not be published here from time to time. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Crispy Cream

Crispy Cream

When you crave that crispy cream treat
remember you are what you eat.
You'd better beware
'cause if that eclair
oozes fat, then so will your feet!

However you should make sure that you eat a donut (or some other orbital shaped treat) on April 12th, International Space Day!

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